Brian McKnight - Back At One

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKKGRgKN2I8

Social Networking Guide

Your Guide to Social Networking Online

From time to time, I'll give an overview of one broad MediaShift topic, annotated with online resources and plenty of tips. The idea is to help you understand the topic, learn the jargon, and take action. I've already covered blogging, citizen journalism, widgets and various other topics. This week I'll look at the social networking phenomenon.

Background

Social networking websites help people connect with others who share their interests, build online profiles and share media such as photos, music and videos. The idea of social networks has been studied by sociologists for decades as they analyze the ties between people in families, organizations and even in towns or countries. According to Wikipedia:, "Research in a number of academic fields has shown that social networks operate on many levels, from families up to the level of nations, and play a critical role in determining the way problems are solved, organizations are run, and the degree to which individuals succeed in achieving their goals."

Early Internet applications such as Usenet and bulletin board systems allowed people to communicate and network, often in closed systems. But with the advent of the web in the mid-'90s, people could connect in more visually appealing and public ways. Classmates.com let people connect with old classmates online, and SixDegrees.com offered a way to meet "friends of friends" — with its name referring to the six degrees of separation between everyone in the world.

After the dot-com bust in 2000, SixDegrees was shut down and eventually Friendster became the leader in social networking sites. A common feature of these services was the list of "friends" or contacts that each user maintained, driving usage of the site by people inviting more friends, who invited more friends, and so on and so on… Even though Friendster eventually collected millions of users, the service was plagued by technical issues and was strict about fake profiles known as "Fakesters," which it deleted en masse.

Social researcher danah boyd explains what went wrong for Friendster in her 2006 online essay:

Freaks, geeks and queers all invaded Friendster in the early days and they made certain that all of their friends were there. They did so organically in clusters. This was very successful, until they felt alienated from the site. There is a tipping point to get on and a tipping point to get off. Once mass departure began with a few pissed-off folks, it spiraled quickly…Friendster was beginning to get mainstream American 20/30-somethings when it got bogged down by dreadfully slow servers…The slow servers made it very difficult (if not impossible) for mainstream users to engage. Frustrated, many lost interest before they really engaged.

The Rise of MySpace and Facebook

After Friendster started losing members in the U.S. and became popular in the Philippines, many people started moving over to newer services such as MySpace, which launched in 2003. MySpace founder Tom Anderson came across as a friendly presence, welcoming and "friending" each new member of the site. Bands and teens helped drive MySpace's traffic through the roof, eventually hitting 115 million users worldwide.

Despite the garish look of MySpace profiles, the service was popular because it let people customize their pages, embed music and share videos with other friends. The popularity of MySpace led its parent company to sell the site to media giant News Corp. for $580 million in 2005. Not long afterward, a backlash started against MySpace, with analysts questioning the strength of the audience's loyalty to the site and reports of sexual predators and safety issues flooding the media.

"Certainly there are a large amount of people spending a large amount of time on this site," Jupiter analyst Nate Elliot told ABCNews.com in early 2006. "But when you look at the huge numbers they throw out there — 50 [million], 60 million registered users — those are a mirage…the simple fact is that only a fraction of the registered users ever go back. And only a fraction of them use the site on any kind of regular basis."

The issue of teen safety on MySpace and other social networking sites such as Xanga led to many sites tightening their privacy policies and issuing safety guidelines.

"There are only a small number of cases where something bad has actually happened," researcher danah boyd told me for a story on MediaShift about MySpace. "Remember: Most of what you are hearing in the press turns out to not be associated with MySpace at all. Just because teens do something stupid/bad and they have a MySpace account does not mean that they did it because of MySpace. Teens are more likely to be abducted at school than on MySpace. Teens are more likely to die in their parents' cars than be killed because of MySpace."

The year 2007 has been marked by the booming growth of MySpace rival Facebook, which started life in 2004 as a closed network for college students, and later high school students. Facebook made two important business decisions that led to its recent rise: 1) opening the site to all comers, and 2) letting people create mini-applications or widgets for the site. Facebook went from 8.9 million registered users in September 2006 to more than 37 million users now, with a higher growth rate than bigger rival MySpace. Whether those users will continue to come back — and just how many of them are "regular" users — remains an open question.

Business Networking and Business Models

Meanwhile, another trend paralleled the rise of the big social networking sites: smaller, more focused business social networking sites. The first one was Ryze, launched by entrepreneur Adrian Scott in 2001 to help him remember all his business contacts. Later came the more popular LinkedIn, which allows you to post your career trajectory and ask "connections" for jobs or business introductions. Both services bring in revenues by running advertising and selling premium services for power users.

Along with the business networking sites, there have also been niche sites that cater to specific groups of people — or even pets. MyChurch is a social networking sites for church-goers, BlackPlanet is for African-Americans, and Dogster is for dogs, or, uh, dog owners who think their dogs should be socially networked. Plus, specialized services such as Ning have cropped up to let anyone create their own social networking site for friends or associates.

American-based social networking sites such as Orkut (owned by Google), Hi5 and Friendster have also become popular in other countries, with Orkut catching fire in Brazil and India, Hi5 making waves in Europe and South America, and Friendster taking Southeast Asia by storm. Other services have had varying success overseas. (For more on this topic, see a separate in-depth report on MediaShift.)

Despite the recent boom in popularity for social networking sites, there remains one sticky conundrum: How can these sites become consistently profitable? The problem is that people are used to getting these services for free, so very few sites charge people money to participate. And advertisers worry that their brand image will be tarnished by having ads running alongside questionable user-generated content. Facebook recently lost advertisers in the U.K. when they found their ads running on a Facebook group page dedicated to a far right-wing political group. The site later announced it would let advertisers limit the places on the site that its messages would run.

Despite those problems, the big daddies of social networking, MySpace and Facebook, have started to figure out ways to bring in revenues. In early August, News Corp. reported that its Fox Interactive Media division (including MySpace) had turned a $10 million profit for the fiscal year ending June 30, with revenues of $550 million. News Corp. expects the division to bring in nearly $1 billion in revenues in the next fiscal year. Plus, Facebook projected it would take in $125 million in ad revenues this year, and planned to launch a targeted-ad solution that lets advertisers reach people based on their user profiles and interests, USA Today reported.

The dilemma for social networking sites is that by the time they reach a critical mass for advertisers, they might also be seen as less innovative and edgy by early adopters, who could leave in droves. Plus, any attempt to use targeted advertising based on user profiles could trigger an exodus of people who don't want their private information exploited for commercial purposes.

Social Media and Big Media

While social networking sites continued to evolve, they also inspired a swath of "social media" sites that let people share news, reviews, personal experiences and website favorites with others. The social news site Digg, which launched in December 2004, lets people nominate interesting news stories or blog posts, which are then voted on — or "Dugg" — by other users to get more prominent placement on the site. Regular users of Digg have their own profiles, and gain currency by getting stories featured on the site. A number of similar services such as Reddit and the revamped Netscape have also sprung up, with Netscape's former general manager Jason Calacanis famously offering money to top Diggers to join Netscape as paid "anchors."

Social media sites go beyond just rating news stories. Photo-sharing site Flickr, now owned by Yahoo, lets people comment on others' photos, join groups and add friends. Video-sharing site YouTube, now owned by Google, also became a huge phenomenon partly because it let people create user profiles, comment on videos and collect "subscribers" for their videos. Even a seemingly musty community built around an online encyclopedia, Wikipedia, has fostered loyalty with profiles, groups and discussion boards that let people, known as "Wikipedians," bond through raging arguments and collaborations.

Because of the viral growth of social media and networking sites, Big Media has taken notice. Hearst bought teen social networking site eCrush, Sony bought social video site Grouper, and Disney bought teen virtual world Club Penguin, to name just a few. Plus, USAToday.com relaunched its site last March in a radical move toward social networking, letting anyone start an online profile and "vote" on recommending stories. While many users complained about the new look, USAToday said that it has helped spike traffic, which was up 20% in July 2007 over July 2006 traffic levels (though some question the numbers).

Other newspaper and traditional media sites have added social networking-type features, letting people upload and share photos, comment on stories, and build their own customized news pages.

But there comes a point of social networking saturation, where people just don't have the time and energy to join yet one more site, create yet another profile and make even more "friends." While social networking sites obviously serve a purpose in helping people connect, there's only so many networks each of us can join — and only so many that will end up being profitable businesses.

Terminology

Here are some common terms used in the social networking world:

Add: Noun and verb used on social networking sites around being added as a friend. For example: "Thanks for the add."

Avatar: Graphical representation of a user in a virtual world.

Facebooking: Any act of using features on Facebook.

Fakesters: Fictional profiles created on Friendster by users. Fakesters can be anything from celebrities to cities to inanimate objects.

Orkuteiros: Brazilian Orkut aficionados. Orkut is a social network owned by Google that later became popular in Brazil and India.

Profile pimping: Customizing MySpace profiles with designs and widgets that reflect a user's personal style.

Scraps: Public messages left on an Orkut user's profile by other members.

Widgets: Mini-applications or HTML code that people can embed onto social networking pages.

http://www.pbs.org/mediashift/2007/08/digging_deeperyour_guide_to_so_1.html

Successful Relationship Defined

Effective communication is a must for any relationship to be happy and successful. In fact, studies show that the number one reason for success in relationships and marriages is good communication between the two partners, whereas, the number one reason why relationships and marriages fail is poor communication.

Contrary to what many people believe, successful communicators are made, not born. By this, I mean that being a successful communicator involves learning, or improving upon, a specific set of skills. The key elements of the communication process will help you to avoid miscommunication and greatly enhance your chances of having a happy relationship or marriage.

Most people think they know a lot about communicating because they spend so much time doing it. Linguistic experts tell us that we spend from 70 to 90 percent of our waking hours in some type of communication activity, but just because people are communicating, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're doing it well.

So what is communication? Is there a simple definition? I think so. I define communication as a two-pat process in which information is provided clearly and unambiguously, and in which it is received accurately and without defensiveness.

There is a very true analogy about relationships that says; communication is to relationships what breathing is to life, and that communication is the largest single factor that determines what kind of relationship a person has with another.

For example, troubled or unhappy couples often seem uncomfortable and cold. The atmosphere and that language tend to be formal or polite, but they often seem tense or bored. One or both people are often frightened, because they never know when lightening, as in criticism or an attack is going to hit them.

On the other hand happy couples are almost the exact opposite of troubled couples. The atmosphere in nurturing relationships is one of genuineness and warmth. Both people seem to enjoy being with one another. They are openly affectionate, touching and hugging all the time. Conversations are real. They talk with rather than at one another and also listen with interest to what each other has to say.

In order to have a good level of communication in a relationship there must be a high quality and a quantity of unbroken time with each other. Couples need to get away alone together and just spend long stretches of time keeping the communication channels open. Whenever two people get so busy that they stop taking time to talk there are guaranteed troubles ahead.

Communication requires both speaking and listening. It requires a clear understanding between the major differences between a man and a woman. For example men are more direct and women are more indirect. Men are more focused on results and completion or closure, whereas women are more concerned about relationships and the process of communication. It is this lack of understanding that often leads to misunderstandings in relationships and marriages.

For example, suppose a couple is on a trip and they have been in a car for several hours and the wife is thirsty and sees some restaurants ahead. She says to her partner "Are you thirsty?" He says "no" and keeps driving because he wants to get to their destination as soon a possible. The woman then feels hurt or even mad because he was insensitive to her needs, but the man doesn't know that because of the way she phrased the question.

Here are five guidelines that you can use to help enhance your relationship communication:

1. Begin thoughts you want to verbalize with the pronoun I. For example, say, "I'm frustrated . . ." or "I'd like to go to . . ." or "What I'd really like is . . . " We're conditioned at a young age that saying what we really want is selfish, but if we don't tell our partner or spouse what we really want it leads to ineffective communication.

2. Avoid beginning sentences with you, we and let's. Those pronouns are often misused so that it becomes a way of manipulating, accusing or even attacking your partner or spouse.

3. Become an effective listener. Active listening involves allowing your partner or spouse to talk. You should always rephrase what he or she has said, and also ask questions to clarify a point to get more information.

4. Never interrupt your partner or spouse in mid sentence. Let your partner speak completely and then paraphrase back to him or her. Researchers have found that men are much more likely to interrupt then are women.

5. Look into your partner's eyes when he or she is speaking to you, rather than around or away. It's always good to give nonverbal signals such as nodding in agreement.

Awareness is really the key to a happy and successful relationship or marriage. If you refrain from saying anything that you would not like your mate to say to you'll be more aware of the impact that your words have on the relationship.

Couples that can assume responsibility for and identify their own individual feelings and needs and talk with their partner or spouse about them in a clear, descriptive and unambiguous way are the most likely to live together in a peace, harmony and happiness.

Copyright©2007 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Chemistry of Kissing

Chemistry of Kissing

By Amy Spencer

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… hang on a minute. No it isn't! Because when it comes to dating, a kiss can change everything. Sometimes it's spine-tinglingly magical and sends shivers from your neck to your toes. And sometimes, well, it feels more like licking a wet fish. While the chemistry you feel on your night out says a lot about how the kiss might go, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of butterflies, chills, fireworks, and other memory-making moments. Try these lip-smacking tips to make this the first of many kisses to come.

Read when the moment is right

Ever found yourself bumbling and mumbling at the end of a date, wondering if your attempt at a good night smack will be the kiss of death? You're not alone. "This is, without a doubt, one of the most common questions people ask me," says Sheila Lee, creator of advice site Kissingbooth.com. So how do you tell if someone would welcome a smooch from you? According to Lee, look for these signs: Is your date making tons of eye contact with you, or standing closer than a friend or business colleague would? If so, says Lee, this person probably wants you to go for it.

If you really can't read your date, make yourself available for your date to make the move. Lee's suggestions: Stand close to your date, and let your arm rub against his or hers. Face your date with your arms open, not crossed, to show you're open to a kiss. Tell your date you had a good time, and ask your date how they felt. And most important? "Smile. A lot of people are turned on by a smile, which shows you're comfortable with the person you're with and happy. If your date thinks he or she is making you happy," points out Lee, "then he or she is likely to think a kiss can make you even happier."

Lock lips in a place where you don't have to hold back

Yes, it's romantic to kiss, say, out on a street corner, but if you're not the PDA type, you might end up holding back during your kiss. And those unsure feelings could hold back a fireworks-worthy performance. The fact is, kissing signals our brains to produce oxytocin, a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling.And the chemicals that produced that feeling prompt you to want to kiss more and create more, like a love drug. To make sure nothing stops that chemistry-building chemical process, make sure you're in a spot where you feel comfortable and safe, and you're not worried about what you're doing or who's watching: Move inside a doorway, behind a column, into a quiet room, or in the front seat of a dark car. That way, you and your date's bodies will be free to do what they're — ahhhhh, sigh, melt — supposed to.

Make eye contact before, during, and after your kiss

Eye contact immediately ups the intimacy level of any sexual act, say experts—so if you're smooching with your peepers shut tight, you could be missing out! Even recently-single singer Jessica Simpson is a fan of opening her eyes during a smooch. "I love to kiss with my eyes open," she's said. "It's kind of weird because you might only see one eyeball, but it's amazing what you can see through someone's eyes. It sounds clichéd, but the eyes really are the window to the soul." So, before you go for gold, take a few seconds — one Mississippi, two Mississippi — to look at your partner eye-to-eye and establish this is a special moment between the two of you. After you first kiss, pull back, open your eyes, really look at your date, then kiss again. Then, open your eyes once during the kiss to bring the personal touch home.

Feel free to talk a little

Kissing is such a strong language, it's easy to wonder: Does yapping in between smooches ruin the moment? Not always. In fact, says Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing, sometimes words can help ratchet up the chemistry. According to his research, the absolute number one sentence that kissers most like to hear: "You're such a good kisser." Following that, he suggests you also say either, "You're so beautiful," "You're so hot," or "I never want to stop kissing you." These kinds of words do two things. "One, they show that you're serious about the particular person you're kissing, and that it's truly personal," says Christian. "Two, it communicates that you're in the first stage of what your body wishes was a bigger, closer connection. Your feelings are so huge, you're having to hold back. This says it's not just a kiss, it's the start of something incredible." Let's be honest, who doesn't want to know they're causing that?

Keep your hands to yourself

Sometimes we get so caught up in the human contact of a kiss, we grip our partner's neck, reach around his or her back, run a hand along a thigh, and do all sorts of a grabby things over and, ahem, under clothing. The only problem? Sometimes all that touching is actually detracting from the kiss, say experts. A kiss, on its own, can sometimes be powerful enough. So, try keeping your hands to yourself for a few minutes, kiss and only kiss, and see how the chemistry takes over.

Don't forget to use your nose

Some anthropologists believe that kissing evolved from sniffing, as some indigenous cultures rub noses rather than kissing, points out Vaughn Bryant Jr., professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University. "Turns out that we have very powerful musk glands right underneath our eyes, and each person has a distinct smell," explains Vaughn. "Kissing got started by people smelling each other and they would rub across the nose. Touching the lips was a natural outgrowth." Sampling another person's scent is a primal urge we share with other animals (including moles, dolphins, turtles and dogs), so take a moment to breathe in your date to kick the connection up a notch.

Convince your date to try it your way

You loved the dinner, you laughed the whole way home, and you were living for the good night kiss… until you got it. Turns out your date doesn't kiss the way you do. Has your chemistry fizzled for good? No way! So what's the best way to get your styles more in synch? "Don't ever say, 'I don't like the way you kiss,'" says kissing advice expert Lee. "That will be a big blow to the ego, and will make them self-conscious the next time you kiss." One option, says Lee, is to make the issue about you, by saying something like, "I like to kiss a little different than most people," which will make them feel at ease (kind of like the old-fashioned "It's not you, it's me" line). Or, suggest you both branch out and experiment, says Lee, "so that they won't take the change in kissing personally. Say, 'I want to try something,' and then initiate a kiss the way you want it."

Chemistry of Kissing

Chemistry of Kissing

By Amy Spencer

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… hang on a minute. No it isn't! Because when it comes to dating, a kiss can change everything. Sometimes it's spine-tinglingly magical and sends shivers from your neck to your toes. And sometimes, well, it feels more like licking a wet fish. While the chemistry you feel on your night out says a lot about how the kiss might go, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of butterflies, chills, fireworks, and other memory-making moments. Try these lip-smacking tips to make this the first of many kisses to come.

Read when the moment is right

Ever found yourself bumbling and mumbling at the end of a date, wondering if your attempt at a good night smack will be the kiss of death? You're not alone. "This is, without a doubt, one of the most common questions people ask me," says Sheila Lee, creator of advice site Kissingbooth.com. So how do you tell if someone would welcome a smooch from you? According to Lee, look for these signs: Is your date making tons of eye contact with you, or standing closer than a friend or business colleague would? If so, says Lee, this person probably wants you to go for it.

If you really can't read your date, make yourself available for your date to make the move. Lee's suggestions: Stand close to your date, and let your arm rub against his or hers. Face your date with your arms open, not crossed, to show you're open to a kiss. Tell your date you had a good time, and ask your date how they felt. And most important? "Smile. A lot of people are turned on by a smile, which shows you're comfortable with the person you're with and happy. If your date thinks he or she is making you happy," points out Lee, "then he or she is likely to think a kiss can make you even happier."

Lock lips in a place where you don't have to hold back

Yes, it's romantic to kiss, say, out on a street corner, but if you're not the PDA type, you might end up holding back during your kiss. And those unsure feelings could hold back a fireworks-worthy performance. The fact is, kissing signals our brains to produce oxytocin, a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling.And the chemicals that produced that feeling prompt you to want to kiss more and create more, like a love drug. To make sure nothing stops that chemistry-building chemical process, make sure you're in a spot where you feel comfortable and safe, and you're not worried about what you're doing or who's watching: Move inside a doorway, behind a column, into a quiet room, or in the front seat of a dark car. That way, you and your date's bodies will be free to do what they're — ahhhhh, sigh, melt — supposed to.

Make eye contact before, during, and after your kiss

Eye contact immediately ups the intimacy level of any sexual act, say experts—so if you're smooching with your peepers shut tight, you could be missing out! Even recently-single singer Jessica Simpson is a fan of opening her eyes during a smooch. "I love to kiss with my eyes open," she's said. "It's kind of weird because you might only see one eyeball, but it's amazing what you can see through someone's eyes. It sounds clichéd, but the eyes really are the window to the soul." So, before you go for gold, take a few seconds — one Mississippi, two Mississippi — to look at your partner eye-to-eye and establish this is a special moment between the two of you. After you first kiss, pull back, open your eyes, really look at your date, then kiss again. Then, open your eyes once during the kiss to bring the personal touch home.

Feel free to talk a little

Kissing is such a strong language, it's easy to wonder: Does yapping in between smooches ruin the moment? Not always. In fact, says Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing, sometimes words can help ratchet up the chemistry. According to his research, the absolute number one sentence that kissers most like to hear: "You're such a good kisser." Following that, he suggests you also say either, "You're so beautiful," "You're so hot," or "I never want to stop kissing you." These kinds of words do two things. "One, they show that you're serious about the particular person you're kissing, and that it's truly personal," says Christian. "Two, it communicates that you're in the first stage of what your body wishes was a bigger, closer connection. Your feelings are so huge, you're having to hold back. This says it's not just a kiss, it's the start of something incredible." Let's be honest, who doesn't want to know they're causing that?

Keep your hands to yourself

Sometimes we get so caught up in the human contact of a kiss, we grip our partner's neck, reach around his or her back, run a hand along a thigh, and do all sorts of a grabby things over and, ahem, under clothing. The only problem? Sometimes all that touching is actually detracting from the kiss, say experts. A kiss, on its own, can sometimes be powerful enough. So, try keeping your hands to yourself for a few minutes, kiss and only kiss, and see how the chemistry takes over.

Don't forget to use your nose

Some anthropologists believe that kissing evolved from sniffing, as some indigenous cultures rub noses rather than kissing, points out Vaughn Bryant Jr., professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University. "Turns out that we have very powerful musk glands right underneath our eyes, and each person has a distinct smell," explains Vaughn. "Kissing got started by people smelling each other and they would rub across the nose. Touching the lips was a natural outgrowth." Sampling another person's scent is a primal urge we share with other animals (including moles, dolphins, turtles and dogs), so take a moment to breathe in your date to kick the connection up a notch.

Convince your date to try it your way

You loved the dinner, you laughed the whole way home, and you were living for the good night kiss… until you got it. Turns out your date doesn't kiss the way you do. Has your chemistry fizzled for good? No way! So what's the best way to get your styles more in synch? "Don't ever say, 'I don't like the way you kiss,'" says kissing advice expert Lee. "That will be a big blow to the ego, and will make them self-conscious the next time you kiss." One option, says Lee, is to make the issue about you, by saying something like, "I like to kiss a little different than most people," which will make them feel at ease (kind of like the old-fashioned "It's not you, it's me" line). Or, suggest you both branch out and experiment, says Lee, "so that they won't take the change in kissing personally. Say, 'I want to try something,' and then initiate a kiss the way you want it."